Reflection: Sophomore Year

"It's been a long time coming"; but a change has come and I am so thankful to God. Listening to Sam Cooke as I write this, I hear so much passion and hope in his voice; it reminds me of the passion and hope that I had for a change in my life. God did it, and I am honestly floored with happiness. "There have been times that I thought I couldn't last for long, but now I think I'm able to carry on", this speaks volumes to what I went through sophomore year of college and where I am now. This year was my own personal hell; it was far too much than I ever wanted to go through but thanks and praises to God alone because I am here on the other side.

People are powerful creatures, and their voiced negative opinions can sting like nothing I have ever felt before. I made some mistakes, released a few miscalculated words to people unworthy of my trust, and ended up broken and feeling alone. I never thought that I would experience depression; but this year changed that. It was so sad to be me; let alone to see me (I am thankful for my true few who stayed by me and supported me as I endured). I knew I didn't belong in that dark place, I knew that it wasn't what God had for me, but people had so much control over me.

I wanted to be friends with people so badly, I wanted to be loved and accepted so badly, I wanted to stay on everyone's good side so badly, that I lost who I was. Coming to Temple as a freshman, I was bubbly, I was animated, I was outgoing and I was happy; after two years around a certain group of people, I became a miserable, sad, recluse if you will. You would think being around positive, like-minded (or so I thought we were) individuals would add to my growth exponentially, but it set me way back. I realized in these last two years, that everything that glitters is certainly not gold, everything that looks nice on the outside isn't necessarily that thing on the inside.

People may look like they are amazing, wonderful and pure in heart; that does not have to be true. An organization may look like the perfect family and the most wonderful and powerful group of people, but maybe that organization isn't for me. Well, I kinda found that out the hard and sad way this year. I was pitiful, but I am stronger than ever before now.

• I didn't do so hot with grades, but I found and tapped into my passions; Communicating, Writing & Administration. 
• I officially changed my major to Public Relations this semester.
• Out of 660 applicants and two interviews, I was among the less than 40 students to be chosen for Resident Assistantship.
• I rekindled two very important friendships.
• I helped my younger sister through the college application process, and she will be attending Morgan State University this fall.
• I have raised some standards in my life as far as relationships go, and I am regaining my confidence.

After all that I have been through this year; I still have some very serious anxieties that I am trying to deal with, but I am so proud to say that at this point in my life I am genuinely happy; and you can't steal my joy because you didn't give it to me. I wake up in the morning excited for the day, the week and the months to come. I am excited for life, for education, for friendships, for service, for newness, for joy, for fruitfulness. I am just excited. To the people who bad mouth me, to the people who don't want to be my friend, to the people who say I made others look at you "sideways", to the people who say I ruined your organization:

 Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. I love you, I pray for you, and I thank you for the learning experience. I would not be who I am today if it weren't for you. I would not know how strong I could be or how much growing I have to do if it weren't for you. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't fun, but I am all the better for it.

Lorae